In the light of a full moon

ah, a full moon, so bright out tonight, alone in the light of the moon, hearing not much, the same crickets, the same AC compressor grinding to life every once in a while... in the distance a dog or two, i live just blocks from little mexico so what do i expect? ive been writing like this for a few days now, so liberating, to just dump the day, spill my soul into this digital ear... i am not a writer, come on how many dyslexic writers do you know? my delete and backspace buttons are wearing out i think, but this is so very relaxing, i sleep so well, not unhaunted but well, i wake up refreashed, what a feeling... today i spoke with a close friend, possibly my closest, we stirred up demons... spoke of our darksides, explored them unafraid, not without positive outcomes or solutions but our darksides none the less... i havent known anyone that has a really close grip on what hunts them, what drives them to hunt, as i do, until now... it is a rare thing to talk to someone openly, knowing they really know what your talking about, not just nodding thier head with professional empathy... that was me for years, sitting on the otherside of a table, in a locked psych facility, hearing other humans spill thier demons... ah, the darkness of a mans heart... who knows how terrifying that is? sit across from pure insanity, ask it to talk, then take notes... then the next day, go back and read those notes, and feel the icy chill run down your back as you realize this person just checked out AMA.... Against Medical Advice... and is out there somewhere... why do i not go to the movies and watch a psychotic thriller... that is why... most people only get exposed to the pit of psychosis on the big screen, very few get to look into its eyes... and know... know that in the depth of those cold eyes is insanity, and if not controlled by some medicinal means, has the potential to do things seen on many movie screens... but the difference being there are no special effects, the person is not insane to tell a good creepy story, the person is just insane... trapped in the shell of a body, peering out of the looking glass of thier eyes, seeing a reality that only they can see, hearing voices tell them to do things that sound unreal, but the voices dont stop, they continue until what is commanded is done... could you resist? could i? and for how long? i wrote once that everyone has their clowns, but what if you actually saw them, walking toward you, everywhere you ran, everywhere you hid? would you finally give in? do i pity them? yes. i have looked into the eyes a young man, healthy, attractive, intelligent, popular... then he blinked... and he was gone... his eyes empty, no longer capible of interacting with anyone around him, and for a few minutes after i could see horror in his eyes as his intelligent mind was telling his soul, you are going insane and there is nothing you can do about it... that poor boy drenched himself in fuel, and had an unexpecting friend accidentally light him on fire, he then ran down a hall burning to death and lept out a second story window... that is insane. i think he knew, and convinced himself that there was no cure, none besides death. was it true? could be. some medication taken everyday may have helped, but maybe not, and if it did, that one day he forgot that little pill....
i guess i could ramble on about psych stories, and perhaps i will write them all down someday, but not tonight, the moon is full, the night is beautiful, the temprature perfect, sitting in shorts and a tshirt at midnight outside? nice. i think ill just let my mind wander for a while before i call it a night, perhaps start another story, see where it leads...