Alone in the dark

sittin alone, in the dark.

nothin in my mind but

confusion and dissappointment

in me, in them, in her, in him

hate? no, too strong

love? no, too weak

concern? perhaps although still no

confusion? no, too easy

frustration? no, to complex

lost? maybe... lost in the darkness

that is my mind, a maze of honesty and lies,

stories and deep from the gut creativity, dreamlands

that call to me while i am awake, places that exist

only in the depths of my soul, places that captivate

the listeners of the tales i weave, places that i visit

in my dreams, my nightmares, my mind that dark

labrinth of hate, love, lust, concern, confusion,

frustration, light fighting dark fighting the endless grey

area inbetween.... all the forests of ja'dea's book, the

cold depth of space that is i am cold, the endless possibilities

of terra transporter, the insanity of the bonding, the

dilusion of thirteen, the dark oddities of exxes, the unexplainable

hell of my nightmares, the things that reach out to me from the

dark shadows after waking from them, or am i really awake?

the spark of desire, the fire of lust, the burnt out charred remains...

sittin alone, in the dark spilling my guts to a digital ear, one that

only listens, never doubts, never whines, never shatters, never turning

away, just listens, lets me spill the insides of my inner self...

this digital thing, this one way pipe of feeling...

i feel alone, but not by myself, the ringing of wind chimes, the

AC compressor grinding to life, the wind, the distant traffic, barely

audible.... my breathing... the slapping of the keys on this keyboard,

sittin alone in the dark, wanting things i cannot have, not fully appreciating

those things i do have, letting my mind wander to new places, new stories

new memories, new nightmares, old thoughts, new hates,

older darkness, familiar deamons... not a writter i say to me, not a writter

i say to others, not a writter even now, but i am writting something, am i

not? is this "writting" ? is it psycho-babble? will this make any sense

tomorrow, maybe not, but is that the point? no. what is the point?

lost. in my thoughts of the day, in the touch of a friend, in the concern

of a wife, the love of a son, the depth of some, the shallowness of others,

the questions of theology, the answers of honesty, the reaction of a young

girl missed, the action of a fool, the taste of free ice cream, the fun of driving,

the relief of a job completed, the kindness of a stranger, the foul stench of

someone known...

bitterness, hypocracy, church, people, fighting the desire to want to hide in

a box, and staple the lid shut...

sittin alone in the dark, nothing in my mind but confusion...